Have you ever had one of those mornings where everything starts off great, but then suddenly, it feels like everything is falling apart? That’s what happened to me today. I woke up early, excited to tackle my work and get a head start on the day! I had my watch charged, my under-desk pedals set up, and the window open with the perfect amount of early morning light and breeze – and then I sat down to start and my perfect little work morning began to fall apart.
First, it was the internet connection that wouldn’t connect, and after a couple of calls, I was informed of an estimated half-hour wait time. It wasn’t a big deal, and I decided to pivot and take my morning meds and get other non-internet work prepped for the day. But then, my stomach started to hurt, enough to have me sit down. Could it be the meds? They sometimes cause this, but it hasn’t happened in a while. Could it be that my feeding tube flipped? I had it put in four months ago, so it shouldn’t have, but maybe… am I getting regular people sick? Or worse, is there something else wrong that we are missing? Another condition? Why did I give in and let her say no, when I had specifically asked that doctor to run that lab for testing? If it is something else, what could it be?…
My mind began to wander into the depths of my very valid and dark health-related anxiety. In an effort to distract myself, I went on my phone and found my way to Instagram – never the move. Twenty minutes later, the stomach pain had lessened, only to be replaced with the negative thought loop in my head after seeing picture after picture after picture of my friends, family, and people I don’t know, seemingly living their perfect lives, moving forward – buying houses, getting married, having babies, getting their dream jobs or promotions, going out with their friends, and so on. For someone who has had to give up their life for the last decade to try to figure out how to survive each day, been in isolation unable to see friends and family for 3.5 years due to being high risk for COVID, and whose fear has always been getting stuck – this doom scroll takes me out of my health anxiety and body pain for a moment, but is almost a surefire way to hurt the heart.
The usual thoughts began to swirl in my head. Those voices in my head started saying, “You’re a failure. You’re never going to get where they are. You’re never going to finish your projects.” Normally, people will try to get a quick hit of dopamine by eating something to fill the void – I went over to the pantry as I sometimes do when I feel this way – just out of desperation, “Is there anything I could have to make this feeling stop?” But, nope, deep down, I know I can’t do that either, and I wonder why I still do this when I haven’t been able to eat like that for years. I am just so desperate to make it stop.
Then, those thoughts quickly move to “You’re getting sicker. Your treatments aren’t working. You’ll never be able to eat again. It’s all your fault you got sick in the first place. You did this to yourself. You don’t have any friends anymore. No one understands. You’ll never get out of this. You’re missing your entire life. You won’t live long anyway,” and on and on it goes. I could feel my chest tightening and my mind beginning to spiral. Ending up in the same thought it always ends on when this happens – “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
It was only 6:30 A.M. – How could I do this the rest of the day?
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I know this is a lot. I know it’s dark. I know it’s really vulnerable to share. But it’s also honest and real and really important to say because I know I’m not the only one.
I wish I could say that this was not a common occurrence for me, and though it has lessened over the years, unfortunately, it’s still a reality I often face.
When you’ve been chronically ill for 10 years, focusing on merely physically surviving each day, and then spend the last 3.5 years sick and alone in your 8’x9′ room – isolated from your friends, family, and the world due to being at such a high risk for COVID – and haven’t been able to see, do, or experience any of the things you’ve yearned for, these feelings and thoughts can rush at you like a brakeless train, crushing you before you even have a chance to blink.
Which is why it is SO important to talk about them! If we don’t talk about them, then people going through them don’t realize that other people do too and that there are steps they can take and resources they can use to help get them out of that negative loop.
Of course, everyone’s journey is different, and what works for me may not work for you. But since this just happened to me today, I wanted to share with you – in real time – what helped me pull myself out of a dark place this morning and back into the light. These are the same steps that have worked for me – time and time again – and I hope that they can help you too.
Before we get into the list though – just in case you stop here, I want to take a moment to just say – I love you, I mean it. I really do. You matter and I’m glad you are here ♡
I am at a place now where I know what I need and how to get it, but it was not always that way for me. In those situations, I used resources that I do not need today but want to share here in case you find yourself in a place where you do. They helped me get through the times I didn’t think I could, and they are here to help you do the same.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger of hurting yourself or someone else, call 9-1-1 (or your local emergency number) immediately. Do not wait.
For a mental health crisis in the United States, call 9-8-8.
- To chat online with a national suicide hotline counselor, click here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
- See the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
- For the hearing impaired, contact the Lifeline by TTY at: 1-800-799-4889
If you are calling from outside of the United States, these numbers won’t be available to you. No matter where you are, though, help is available. Find lists of international suicide hotline numbers at:
- The International Association for Suicide Prevention: https://www.iasp.info/index.php
- Befrienders Worldwide: http://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk
Stop & Recognize There Is A Problem
When things start to feel overwhelming, the first thing you need to do is pause. Take a moment to stop what you’re doing and check in with yourself. Something is off, and it’s important to acknowledge it before it spirals further. This is not a sign of failure; it’s a necessary step in regaining control.
Whether it’s a mental, physical, or emotional shift, recognizing that something isn’t right gives you the power to take action. Don’t brush it aside or push through — instead, hit pause, breathe, and give yourself the space to address what’s happening. It’s the first step in the process of fixing it and moving forward. Without stopping, you can’t make any progress towards fixing the issue.
Ask Myself What The Real Problem Is
What is the real problem here? It’s easy to get lost in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, especially when everything seems overwhelming. Our minds have a tendency to grab onto everything at once, making it harder to pinpoint the root cause of our discomfort or stress. This is the moment when we need to slow down, dig deeper, and explore what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Start by separating the immediate emotions and reactions from the core issue. Often, we react to symptoms — the panic, the anxiety, the frustration — but those feelings are just clues to a bigger picture.
As I reflected on my own experience that day, I realized that my reactions, the doomsday health anxiety, the frustration with the internet, and the negative thought loop, were all just manifestations of something deeper. In the moment, I was so caught up in the urgency of each symptom that I couldn’t see what was actually driving them. But when I took the time to pause and examine everything more quietly, I recognized that my actions and thoughts were a direct reflection of feelings I had been neglecting. Stress, anxiety, sadness—these emotions had been building up over time, and they found their way out in the form of physical discomfort, mental exhaustion and lots of tears.
What was really happening was that I had neglected to take care of myself in the ways I know help me manage those emotions. I had missed the practices I usually rely on to bring me back to a place of balance—like running and working. Instead of facing these feelings head-on, I had let them pile up, and in the absence of those self-care practices, they began to manifest in ways I couldn’t ignore.
This is why it’s so important to SLOW DOWN and ask ourselves, “What is the real problem?” Often, the root cause isn’t as straightforward as it seems at first glance. It’s not just the pain, or the frustration, or the anxiety; it’s what those emotions are telling us. And when we can connect the dots between our reactions and the deeper feelings at play, we open the door to understanding what we truly need in that moment to regain control.
What Can I do About it?
nce we’ve identified the real problem and peeled back the layers of emotion and reaction, it’s time to ask ourselves, “What can I do about it?” This is where we shift from understanding our feelings to taking actionable steps to address the underlying issue. It’s easy to feel stuck when everything seems overwhelming, but the key is breaking things down into manageable pieces and deciding what’s within our control.
When I usually do this step and reflect on my feelings, I often find that I can easily pinpoint what I need to do next. However, this time was different. I found that I was so deep into the emotional whirlwind that I couldn’t get to that point of redirection on my own. The negative thoughts and overwhelming emotions had me too tangled up, and I couldn’t get to the place I needed to be.
I have been in these situations so many times and knew that I needed to implement my back up in this situation. For me, that backup is bringing someone else into the conversation. Having someone I trust help me process my feelings provides perspective and guidance when I’m feeling too lost to figure things out alone. It’s not always easy to ask for help, but having someone else point out what they see can make a world of difference in grounding me and helping me regain clarity.
Reach Out For Support
I knew I needed help, so I reached out to my go-to person who knows me, my situation, and these practices best: my mom. For you, it might not be your mom, but it could be a friend, a significant other, or someone else you trust. Having someone to bounce your thoughts off of can help you untangle them and figure out what to do next.
So, I explained everything to my mom – what happened, how we got here, where I was at mentally, and where I was getting stuck. Talking it out with her allowed her to ask questions that helped me figure out the next steps to take. Together, we realized that my “Hail Mary” combo would be the best course of action.
Have A Plan & Use Proven Methods
Usually, I do this combo in the morning to start my day off right. It includes going for a run outside, listening to an inspiring podcast that motivates me about my work, and having a plan for self-care when I get back. Today, that self-care is my therapy session (it’s always great when therapy falls on a day you need it). With this plan in place, I knew the next step was to take action.
BUT before I jump to that, I want to quickly talk about some of the proven methods I implement in my own “Hail Mary” plan and why as they might be useful to you too!
Go Outside
Going outside and getting fresh air is a simple but effective way to improve your mood and mental well-being. Research has shown that spending time in nature can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression while improving overall feelings of well-being. This is because being in nature has a calming effect on the mind and body, and can help reduce the production of stress hormones like cortisol.
Move Your Body
Moving your body is a great way to get yourself out of a funk! It doesn’t have to be a full-blown workout either, just getting up and moving around can work wonders. Taking a walk, doing some yoga, or even just stretching can help release tension and boost endorphins, which are the feel-good chemicals in our brains.
This means that even a quick workout, like a brisk walk or a short run, can help you feel better and break out of that negative thought loop. Exercise is also a proven way to increase self-esteem, improve sleep, and boost cognitive function. So, if you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, getting up and moving your body can be a surefire way to help turn things around and feel more positive and energized.
read, Listen Or Watch Something That Motivates Or Inspires You
One effective way to break out of a negative thought loop and get into a positive mindset is by reading, listening to, or watching something that motivates or inspires you. This can be a great way to shift your focus away from negative thoughts and emotions, and towards positive ones. It’s not just a psychological trick, either. Research has shown that positive stimuli can lead to the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and endorphins, which are associated with feelings of pleasure and happiness. By engaging with inspiring or motivating material, you can actually activate the reward centers in your brain and experience a mood boost!
Implement Self-Care Activities
Incorporating science-backed self-care activities into your routine can be a powerful way to break out of negative thought patterns and improve your overall mental health! Activities such as using essential oils, an acupressure mat and meditation, a sauna, a massager etc. are all ways you can reduce stress and anxiety, promote relaxation, and boost feelings of happiness and well-being. These have been shown through research to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to calm the body and mind, reduce inflammation, and increase positive emotions. By intentionally having the tools for these self-care practices in place, you can be more prepared and able to use them when you need to take time to do some self-care and get out of the negative mindset and into a positive one!
P.S. For more info & links to 5 of my favorite self-care products for rest & relaxation, you can check out my blog post here
Take Action
So I took action and started to change into my workout clothes, found one of my go-to podcasts and then went outside for a run. Let me tell you – it was SO needed. It got me outside, got me working out and got me listening to an empowering and uplifting podcast to get me more realigned for the day!
Therapy
After getting out and working to change my mindset, I felt much more capable of facing the day. I took a shower to physically cleanse myself and set myself up for a clean, fresh restart. Usually, I would plan to do other self-care activities, but since I had already scheduled therapy for the day, I hopped onto my therapy call and began to process what had happened that morning. I talked about what I did well, what I could do better, and what steps I could take next to move forward. Having a therapist who knows my situation and has been walking through it with me for the past 4.5 years is invaluable. I cannot express enough how much I recommend getting a therapist if you do not have one.
On days where I really need support and don’t already have therapy scheduled, I know my therapist is just a text message away and is willing to find a way to either pull our appt in, add another to the schedule or even find a time to text it out if needed. Knowing you have that type of resource and support is invaluable and one I highly recommend if you need support.
Post-Therapy Self-Care
While therapy can be incredibly helpful, it can also be emotionally draining. That’s why it’s important to take care of yourself afterwards. After my therapy sessions, I always try to take 30 minutes to do something relaxing and rejuvenating to help me decompress from the session and get back into a place where I am ready to move forward in my day!
So that’s what I did today, I found my dog and sat with him outside for a bit – took some deep breaths and got back to my day!
We Made It!
You made it to the end of this post and I made it to the end of the day! Yay for both of us! Thank you so much for sticking with me through it! I know it was a long post, but I hope it was helpful for you!
I want you to know that it’s okay to have tough days and negative thought loops, AND it’s important to know you can get through them. If you ever feel like you can’t – below you will again find a list of numbers that will immediately connect you with people that want to help you get to a place where you can.
Thanks again for reading and being here.
xx I love you, I mean it
- If you or someone you know is in immediate danger of hurting yourself or someone else, call 9-1-1 (or your local emergency number) immediately. Do not wait.
For a mental health crisis in the United States, call 9-8-8.
- To chat online with a national suicide hotline counselor, click here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
- See the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
- For the hearing impaired, contact the Lifeline by TTY at: 1-800-799-4889
If you are calling from outside of the United States, these numbers won’t be available to you. No matter where you are, though, help is available. Find lists of international suicide hotline numbers at:
- The International Association for Suicide Prevention: https://www.iasp.info/index.php
- Befrienders Worldwide: http://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk
DISCLAIMER
Please note that all content on this page, website, and any affiliated resources is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of treatment from a physician. NO information on this page or website should be used to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any disease or condition. Additionally, please be aware that some of the links on this page may be affiliate links, from which I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through those links.